Read these Ex-Spouse Tips to make your life smarter, better, faster and wiser. Each tip is approved by our Editors and created by expert writers so great we call them Gurus. LifeTips is the place to go when you need to know about Single Parent tips and hundreds of other topics.
Discuss issues together. If your child is facing a problem in school, social life, or at home, let the otherparent know. Think it through together. Both of you should have your child's best interests at heart and even if you are not able to come to an agreement on how to handle the situation, both of you know what is going on.
Be realistic in your expectations. You were married to this person and probably know them better than they know themselves. Therefore you can probably predict their behavior and response to certain situations. Don't deliberately try to antagonize or upset the other person to get revenge. Learn the true meaning of forgiveness and get on with your life. If you harbor unforgiveness and bitterness, it will hinder your future. Let go of the past and look forward to the future. Give your ex time for his/her wounds to heal. Don't expect too much from them. Take it one step at a time and try to work toward a harmonious relationship for your children's sakes. Sometimes you may be able to compromise on issues, other times you may have to agree to disagree, but try to find a workable solution. Just don't expect too much cooperation too soon. Be sincere at all times and don't play games!
Be careful not to use your child as a message bearer to communicate with your ex-spouse. If your child delivers a negative message for you, your child risks receiving the brunt of the other person's anger. Keep your children out of your domestic squabbles. They will only confuse and upset your child who is trying to be loyal to both of you. Communicate negative messages yourself by whatever means is appropriate, just make sure it does not include your kids.
Keep the other parent posted on the little things. Send copies of report cards, drawings and graded papers on a regular basis. Kids often will not share all these things if they have limited time with the other parent. Make a special place to put items from school or home and be sure that the child remembers to take these items with them when they go on the visit. This gives the non-custodial parent insight into the little things that are going on and can help conversations when the parent and the child feel awkward.
From the Top 10 Mistakes Moms Make with Their Exes by Sally Abrahms
Keep your ex-spouse informed about everyday happenings and problems concerning your child. This includes school events and extracurricular activities. You may not want him there, but your child probably does. Put your selfish feelings aside and consider your child's well being. And it will go a long way in building a peaceful, harmonious relationship.
The Child Support Enforcement agency is a government agency set up to help custodial parents receive child support payments on a regular basis. If you are not familiar with this agency, check the
divorce laws for your state to see if child support is mandated to be paid through this agency. You can find links to organizations such as Divorcesource.com or Divorcesupport.com listed here at Singleparent Tips. These sites list the laws for each individual state and should contain links to obtaining information for your area. This agency has a very good track record in finding errant parents who have been negligent in providing for their child's needs.
If you and your ex are unable to carry on a civil conversation, you may need to find other ways to communicate information such as through letters or notes. If it is a very hostile situation that could end up in court, be sure to make copies of all your written communications to have as evidence should you need it. Some people have to communicate solely through lawyers, which is sad because the two adults are acting worse than a couple of two-year olds fighting over the same toy, except it is a child. If the other spouse insists upon acting like a child, then you need to be the grown-up and, by example, teach the other parent how to communicate. Set a good example for your children and exhibit some maturity in handling your side of the situation. Show them the right way to handle negative situations, not the wrong way, which is stooping to the other parent's level. Respect yourself even if your ex doesn't show you any.
From the Top 10 Mistakes Moms Make with Their Exes by Sally Abrahms
Don't act as if you know more or better than your ex-spouse. Instead of saying “Lucy has to go to this school, I know what I am talking about”, try saying instead “I've done some research on this school and think it would be better for Lucy. Let me tell you why. What do you think?” In this manner you have presented your research and given your reasons for recommending a decision and allowing the other parent to voice an opinion or render a recommendation. A cooperative attitude beats an authoritarian one and you are more likely to win. Treat your ex-spouse as an adult, and don't act superior and as if only you know what's best.
From the Top 10 Mistakes Moms Make with Their Exes by Sally Abrahms
Don't bring up past mistakes and injustices. Throw away your laundry list of complaints and stay focused on the topic of discussion. Forget past mistakes, deal with the present. Hopefully they have learned from their past mistakes. It is time to forgive and forget.
From the Top 10 Mistakes Moms Make with Their Exes by Sally Abrahms
If you set a standard for your ex-spouse, be prepared to live up to the same standard. If it is important for your ex-spouse to show up on time, and you hold him to this, be sure that you are not late yourself. If you set requirements for your ex-spouse, it is only fair that you hold yourself to the same expectation.
No Bad-Mouthing