Single Parenting Simplified: It's Quality not Quantity that Counts!

Your Presence is the Best Present you can Give your Child

The simplest way to effective parenting is putting your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs first. This is even more crucial as a single parent when the entire onus is on you.

If you’re exhausted, feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or lonely, your competency is compromised and it’s easy to slip into the pattern of using your child as a friend/surrogate.   

Children in single parent homes often feel it’s their responsibility to be the caretaker (particularly true with the opposite sex child). When natural, intended roles are altered, the emotional harm can be extreme.

Reassure your child that you’ll always be there for them and that their welfare is your main priority and responsibility.  Remind them it’s your job to take care of them and that it’s a joy, pleasure, honor, and privilege to do so.

Make sure you get plenty of rest, eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and elicit extra support from adult friends, family, and parenting groups.

Nurture your body, mind, and soul . Work on resolving your childhood issues to prevent passing on any unprocessed shame.

Since many single parents may have to work longer hours and/or share custody, there’s a tendency to feel guilty and resentful when you’re away from your child.  It’s quality time that counts, not quantity.

Embrace and cherish every minute you’re with them. Being present is the greatest gift you can give your child.

Tell them how precious and special they are, how much you admire and adore them, and how lucky you are to have them in your life.  Tell them you believe in them.

Your words have an extremely powerful effect . Verbal abuse, which includes teasing, sarcasm (meaning to ‘rip flesh,’), wit with a bite, berating, comparing, condemning, criticizing, blaming, threatening, manipulating, or controlling can cause wounds worse than physical abuse. The damage lasts a lifetime because it goes clear to the core and the spirit.

Think before you speak . It’s better to hold your tongue than to lash out and say something you’ll regret later, after the harm is already done. 

There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, so when you make a mistake, apologize immediately even if you’re only 1% wrong, e.g. you raised your voice a little.

After you tell them how precious they are, then show them (actions speak louder than words) by giving your undivided attention. Spend as much uninterrupted time together as possible.

Hold them, hug them, rock them, sing to them, read to them, swing with them, shop with them, walk with them, talk with them, and most of all listen, then listen, then listen again. Children are to be seen and heard.     

Practice active listening . Turn off cell phones and electronics, leave cleaning chores and business behind. Look them in the eye, get down at their level, nod in approval, understanding, and empathy.

Look for the question mark , i.e. offer your opinion only if asked.

Create a safe haven to express anger, sadness, happiness, and fear. Assure them all their feelings are welcome and acceptable. 

Try to discuss anger and intense emotions by appointment, instead of in the heat of the moment. Challenges can become ‘teachable’ opportunities.   

Use a kitchen timer or talking stick, to indicate the focus is on your child, signifying how important their input is.

When it’s your turn to speak, use “I” statements, e.g. “I’m feeling angry,” rather than “you make me angry.”

Talk with them not at them.

Always finish with considerate, compassionate remarks, and preferably hugs and kisses.

Rememberchildren do what you do, not what you say. If you’re kind and forgiving, they will follow suit.

Single Parenting Slogan : At the end of the day, it matters not what kind of car you drive, how big your house is, or how much money you have in your bank account, but that you made a difference in the life of a child.